My name is Jennifer Lee Thomson and I'm agoraphobic

From the age of 11, I was bullied mercilessly at school and in the small village where I lived. I couldn't go anywhere without getting targeted.

I'd get spat at, pushed and shoved by one boy who was two stone heavier than me and who was a trained boxer and a neighbour who'd once been a friend marched up to me on the bus and spat "You're ugly," in my face as other kids howled with laughter. Well, you'd better laugh so you won't be the target of the bullies.

I had no idea what I'd done to merit this treatment. Even today, I still haven't answered the question why? That's when my agoraphobia (also known as social anxiety disorder) began.

It made me terrified to go out. Outside my home. To school.

By the age of 13, I was hiding pills under my bed with the intention of swallowing the lot.

My writing was the only thing that gave me confidence and that's what stopped me from taking an overdose.

Ever since I was a little kid, I'd been a writer scribbling away on notepads, writing wee stories. I sold my first piece to Bunty comic when I was 13, then sales of short stories to Jackie magazine followed.

My agoraphobia didn't ease and even simple things like going to the shops were a nightmare. The only way to beat it was by going with someone else. I tried various jobs and they didn't last - I was too jumpy and nervous. It's just as well I've always make some money out of writing magazine articles.

My agoraphobia is so bad that when I won the Scottish Association of Writers' Award for my crime novel Vile City in 2011 LINK my social phobias were so bad that I couldn't attend the ceremony. It'd have been a boost for my writing career as there were some great authors in attendance as well as literary agents and publishers.

It wasn't always that way. Once upon a time I was a confident kid - maybe a bit too confident as I once told my teacher that my answer to a question was right and she was wrong. In primary school I regularly entered Burns competitions* where I'd sing and recite poetry. The stage held no fear for me.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

One doctor sent me to a psychologist for cognitive behavioral therapy. They also refer to it as talking therapy, probably because it involves a lot of talking. CBT gets you to challenge your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes and how they affect your feelings and behaviour.

But what about if the way you behave is perfectly proportionate to the way other people treat you? Besides, my problem has never been with myself and how I've responded to others - it's with other people. Life is tough enough without people being so nasty and petty minded to each other.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy does help people, but I knew it wasn't going to work for me when my psychologist was sitting there telling me how I needed to learn to be happy with who I was and out the corner of my eye I saw a box of slimmasoup on her shelf. With all her training she wasn't happy with who she was, so how could she help me?

By the end of my sessions with her she couldn't. I was offered CBT again and I refused it. I didn't want to take up the
appointment time where somebody else could be helped. Just because it didn't work for me didn't mean the treatment wouldn't work for them.

Antidepressants

At one point I was also put on the antidepressant Fluoxitene (Prozac).
Tip - if you're vegetarian or vegan like me you can ask for the medication in a solution form like a cough syrup, as it usually comes in gelatine capsules (bits of animal muscle and bone swept up from the slaughterhouse floor).

So far though, nothing has helped. Going out alone is something I avoid. When I have to go out alone it's a nightmare for me. I have panic attacks where I feel as though I'm going to stop breathing or have a heart attack.

The only way I can go out alone is with my rescue dog. I'm so preoccupied playing and talking to him that I seldom have panic attacks.

At the moment, I'm on Diazepam to help me cope with day to day life. Like everyone I have good and bad days.

Are you agoraphobic? quiz 

If you answer yes to the following questions then you probably are. Agoraphobia can vary in severity.

Do you feel scared before you go out or try and avoid going out?

Are simple things like going to a nearby store difficult for you?

Do you suffer from panic attacks when you go out?

Is the only place you feel safe your home?

Do you suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder before you go out? Looking constantly out the window to see if anyone's around? 


*Robert Burns is Scotland's most famous writer. Competitions are held once a year where his songs are sung and his poems recited by school children. 

When writers get stuck what do they do?

Every writer gets stuck 

Recently I was working on the ending for the second book in my Detective in a Coma series, Cannibal City. In the book, a killer is on the loose. He's kidnapping men, force-feeding them, then killing them and eating their livers.

It was all going well, then I got stuck, I mean really stuck. 

I needed there to be something that would lead my detectives to finding out something about the person they were chasing and it couldn't be something obvious. Nor could it be a lead that landed on their laps. One of the characters had to have I  for this lead. 

There's nothing I hate more than crime thrillers or mystery novels where the crime's solved by the detectives getting lucky. 

I tried everything I could to solve my problem. I took time away from the novel and wrote something else. I did other non-writing activities - household chores that I should have done a long time ago, I played baseball with my rescue dog Benjy and I played a crime game on my Nintendo DS (it was called Awake - you should check it out). 

When the link I needed came it was out of the blue. A coiled snake bracelet of the kind Cleopatra might have worn. 

I wracked my brains trying to figure out this where this bracelet idea came from. Had I seen it on a TV show or in a movie? Read about it in a book? Seen it in a painting? 

It came to me so fully formed it had to have come from somewhere. 

It wasn't until days later that I found it in one of my storage boxes. Here's the picture below as proof - 

Footnote - Vile City, the first book in the series featuring Inspector Duncan Waddell will be published by Caffeine Nights in 2017 under my full name Jennifer Lee Thomson. 

I'm working on the third book in the series, Vigilante City.

Vile City - Detective in a Coma Book 1 is on the way

I was delighted to be featured in the latest Writing Magazine where I spoke about the origins of Vile City and in particular Stevie Campbell, the character who just wouldn't stop talking to me.

If you're a writer I would recommend that you subscribe to this great magazine so you can hear about markets and opportunities.

Vile City will be published in 2017 and will appear under my full name Jennifer Lee Thomson.

Before my dad passed away after a long and courageous battle with cancer, he expressed some regret that I’d never used my middle name Lee in my writing as I’m named after his great-grandmother.

Here's the blurb -

DI Duncan Waddell has big problems. He’s borderline diabetic. The paperwork is piling up faster than the underwear at a porn shoot.

Now his best pal DC Stevie Campbell, who’s in a coma after being attacked by a suspect, has started to talk to him. Trouble is, only Waddell can hear him.

The last thing he needs is the country’s biggest case to land on his lap.

Three women have gone missing in the city he’s fast coming to despise, victims of the GLASGOW GRABBER, as their assailant has been dubbed by local hack and all round thorn in Waddell’s backside, Catriona Hastie.

Shelley Craig is his latest victim, snatched as she and her boyfriend took a shortcut through Glasgow city centre.

And she’ll do anything to make it home. 

Who kidnapped Shelley Craig? 

Vile City is also the story of Shelley Craig
and her battle to make it home after she's kidnapped. 

Things I've Learnt From Watching Crime shows like Snapped and Psychic Detectives

Like a lot of people I binge watch TV crime programmes with the names like Deadly Intentions, Psychic Detectives and Snapped: Women Who Kill.

I like the fact that in the majority of cases the victims get justice.

And it never ceases to amaze me how the truth is stranger that fiction. I mean if I were to write about some of these life crimes in one of my books, people would say they were too far fetched.

I've also learnt a few things -

If you don't want your partner to murder you, don't get a life insurance policy. If you must get one DO NOT make them the beneficiary.

Does your husband hunt? Have a gun collection? Be wary, one day you could be their prey. If they know how to gut an animal, gutting you won't be a problem.

Just because your husband or wife are churchgoers/Sunday school teachers doesn't mean they won't cheat on you or even try to kill you.

If you suspect your partner is going to kill you, they probably are. Trust your intuition. 

If you suspect your partner is going to kill you, report your suspicions to the police. At least then when he does kill you the police will know who to question.

What The Walking Dead taught me about writing

Dumb decisions brought Rick and the gang to this point.

Most of the second half of Season 6 of The Walking Dead didn't make sense.

Most of the characters we know and love acted like they'd lost their minds.

Okay, I've said it. 

And I'm not alone in thinking it. 

The Walking Dead made us feel like this.

The last few episodes leading up the Walking Dead season 6 finale had a lot of people screaming at their TV screens. The reason - the characters that viewers know (probably as well as most family members) and love started acting out of character.

Rick kills Primo thinking he's Negan. 

Take Rick Grimes. He goes after Negan's gang not even knowing who exactly they are, what Negan looks like and whether his group will be outnumbered and outgunned. 

Does that make any sense for such a shrewd leader? No way, Jose.

Then there's our beloved Daryl Dixon. With the big bogey man coming in the shape of comic villain Negan (did Rick Grimes really think the red shirt he killed so easily in a previous episode was dictator Negan - I doubt it), Daryl Dixon decided to go after Savior Dwight who killed Dr Denise with an arrow to the head. Daryl believed he'd caused her death by not killing Dwight when he had the chance. 

Daryl Dixon gets caught too easily. Like that should happen!

If Daryl Dixon had gone after his zombie apocalypse soulmate, Carol, that'd have made sense. But getting justice for Denise, I just don't see it.

Rick and Daryl weren't the only ones behaving out of character.

When a psycho is coming, you need Carol. 

Carol, the mother of the group, decides to leave Tobin a Dear John letter and quit Alexandria. Bully Negan's heading their way, but hey she can't kill for anyone any more. Even though she's pretty good at it.

Abraham doesn't tell Rick his plan to take out the saviors is dumb.

Soldier Abraham doesn't even suggest they do some fact-finding on Negan and his band of thieves before they kill some of his cohorts whilst they're sleeping.

There's no due diligence like, "Hey, Rick shouldn't we check the guy you're about to kill genuinely is the Big, Bad Wolf?"

But, no the story isn't being dictated by Rick, Daryl, Carol and Abraham. What Rick and Co do is being dictated by the story. The writers are using them like pawns on a chessboard.

Annoying isn't it when characters are manipulated like that, and unsatisfying. 

And that's why so many fans like me are angry with The Walking Dead - we know these characters and how they'll react and its not how they've been acting on the show. 

Rick would find out everything he could about Negan before he went after him.

Daryl wouldn't go and get himself and a lot of his friends taken.

Carol would kill again - even if it was one last time.

Abraham would say to Rick, "We need to do this right."

Michonne getting caught? No way. 

No matter what you're writing, your characters have to act in a believable way. Rick, Daryl, Carol and Abraham haven't been doing that.

Their characters have been messed with to make the story go a certain way and that leaves viewers disappointed.

As a writer, you don't want your readers to feel the same way. They'd be perfectly entitled to throw your book across the room.

Characters must be consistent and if they change, there must be a very good reason for it.

Good storytelling has to make some sense, or your readers will be left disappointed. 

3 Ways to read like a writer

If you don't have time to read, you don't have time to write.

Read as many books as you can in the genre you want to write.

How often have we heard successful authors like Stephen King say that? And its true.

But, how do you read in a way that helps you to write?

Here's just 3 ways -

Rule no.1
Do you skim any text, or just go past it completely because it doesn't interest you?

If so, learn from it and don't write anything similar in your book, whether its long drawn out description or over flowery language.

Rule no.2
Just as you can learn from what you don't like in a book you can learn from what you do like.

Does the author ensure all their characters stand out because they're so different? I love it when they do without dragging the story down to a snail's pace.

Rule no.3
Think about what makes the main character stand out or be a cliche. In a crowded genre like crime thriller you have to do something different.

I've tried to make Detective Inspector Duncan Waddell in my Detective in a Coma series different by making him doubt his sanity because everyone tells him his friend and colleague Stevie Campbell is a coma, but he's talking to him. This not only gives Waddell something that will make him stand out, it also gives Vile City and the rest of the series a supernatural angle.

Coping With Rejection sucks but you can get through it

It used to come as the sound of your manuscript in a brown envelope thudding as it hit your doormat.

Now its more likely to come as an email which in a way makes it worse because until you've read it there's this tiny glimmer of hope that its going to be a yes and that in a minute you will be dancing around the rooming yelling, "Ya, beauty." (I'm Scottish and that's how I celebrate).

They'll be no happy dance:)

You read the email and usually the phrase you get is "it's not for us" or "thanks for sending this to us but you weren't successful on this occasion." Your head dips, your heart sinks and all the other cliches happen.

So, how do you get through this crushing sense of failure?

First off, don't see it as failure. Its usually someone's opinion - just one person. Do we all like the same things? Nope. So, why would we like the same books?

Besides, failure isn't trying and getting knocked down. Failure is not trying and putting yourself in a position to fail.

How many people do you know who say they're writing a book who never actually write a book?

Too many.

What else helps when you get that disappointing no?

Well, I like to watch comedies. After yesterday's thumping disappointment I binge watched Parks and Recreation.

Laughing away the tears helps.

Chocolate also helps. Probably so does wine but I'm teetotal and it would be too easy to drown your sorrows. If you know when to stop, you go for it.

Talking to other writers might help. My favourite forum is the TalkBack one from Writer's News. You'll find it here

Most importantly if you got any feedback at all treasure it. Publishers and agents don't say things they don't mean. My latest rejection said they liked the idea behind my submission.

Be kind to yourself, folks. Remember the path to a writer's success is paved with rejection slips and emails. It shows you've been brave enough to get your work out there.

CARRY ON WRITING.