Secrets to getting published - from someone who knows



You can have a love in with your book or send the damn thing out.

Okay, you've written the best book you can. What next?

You could shove it in a drawer, gathering dust, until you’re dead and a relative finds it, gets engrossed in the wonderful words you've created and says, "Wow, great Aunt Matilda or Grandpa Harry could really write."

Or, you could actually send it to a publisher or agent. What have you got to lose - your dignity, self-respect and confidence? But, hey you won't get published without putting your work out there.

So, you will feel defeated if you get a flurry of rejection letters, but what is defeat? It's never trying and never putting yourself in a position to fail.

Repeat after me - Defeat is never trying and never putting yourself in a position to fail.

When it comes to sending out your work, up your odds of success by -

Sticking to the word count. They've asked for the first 2 chapters or first 5, 000 words, don't send 70, 000 words.

Sending it to the right publisher. If a publisher is looking for quality, literary fiction, don't send them erotic fiction or horror. They don't want it.

Yet you'd be amazed how many writers waste their time and the publishers by sending completely unsuitable manuscripts either because 1. They haven't done their research, or, 2. They think their writing is so blindingly brilliant that the publisher won't care that the book's a fictionalised account of a dog's life when the publisher's looking for historical fiction.

Making sure your work is laid out properly. Check out the publisher's guidelines. If it says to use Times or Arial point 12, then do that. Make it double spaced, typed on one side of the paper only with wide margins in case its printed out.

Make sure your work is printed out legibly so it can be easily read. No fading print, toilet roll thin paper or words written in using felt tip pen, because the ink's starting to fade.

Don't get fancy or wacky. No coloured paper, cut into fancy shapes or fancy paper clips. No weird gifts for publishers, like cakes or a chapter written on a piece of toast using jam (the submission was a crime novel).

Come up with one sentence that sums up what your book's about. For How KirstyGets Her Kicks, I had - A one-legged Glasgow barmaid goes on the run with a gangster's cash and gun after she kills one of his henchmen. One publisher said it was the best one line pitch they'd ever read.

Footnote - Sometimes, no matter how good your work is or how well presented, you will still get a "no" or no reply at all. This could be for a number of reasons; none of which you can do anything about.

Stick in there. The difference between a published writer and an unpublished one, is the former never gave up. I know that can be you:)

Everybody Say EE - my Nightmare with my EE mobile phone

Finally, after a nightmare three years with Orange after they became EE. Or, was it longer?

When they were Orange, the mobile phone company's service was good, then EE came along. Uh, uh. Cue the horror music.

1. Topping up became almost impossible. Couldn't do it by text. It wouldn't recognise the credit card I'd been topping my phone up with for two years.

2. Getting a balance became impossible. "Sorry, we can't tell you your balance at the moment" became the stock response.

3. Their website where you can top up and check your balance was ALWAYS down. It never worked properly in 2 whole years.

4. I was on the Dolphin plan. Regularly top up by ten pounds and you're meant to get free texts. On too many occasions to count, I didn't get my free texts. Sometimes they were days late.

5. My boyfriend's phone (bought under my name) was stolen. I reported it to EE and they cancelled it. They were meant to transfer the remaining balance to his new phone. They didn't. He had £7.50 left. Not tonnes of money, but £7.50 is better in his pocket than EE's.

Think about how much cash EE must have in their bank account from the phones of customers whose phones have been lost or stolen. Say 10, 000 customers lose/have their phones stolen with a balance of £7.50. That's £75k they've got of OUR MONEY!

6. I phoned to top up my boyfriend's PAYG phone. I got the Indian call centre, explained his phone had been stolen and he had a new phone from EE and I wanted to top that up. THEY TOPPED UP THE WRONG PHONE!

I got my own Nokia 5800 PAYG phone unlocked from their network, but only after a big song and dance.

After a week, they told me I didn't have enough credit in my phone to cover the unlocking fee when I did. TWICE. I topped up before I put in my order. So, two weeks were wasted because of EE's mistake.

I contacted them on Twitter and through the form on their website. Twitter EE were hopeless. I had to wait two weeks to finally get a reply.

I had to phone customer service. Oh no! I got their overseas call centre (India, I think). After several times of being cut off by them or waiting 30 minutes and losing the will to live, I finally got through.

The person didn't know what unlocking meant. When I explained, he couldn't believe I would want to leave their "fine network." Finally, after lots of waiting, he said he'd email me the unlock code.

The code didn't arrive.

They sent me the wrong code. They missed out vital instructions.

Everybody say EE! 

Editing for authors - Have you bawled at the muddle with your puddle?

Going through your work, bit by bit can be a long and laborious process, but you have to get it right. 

Who wants to press that SEND button and then discover after that you've used there instead of their, or changed character names halfway through a chapter? 

Here's some examples from my latest book, the 2nd Detective in a Coma book, Cannibal City. Read them and weep with laughter fellow writers and readers -

His fist bawled into a fist.

Oops, sounds like his fist was crying.

It's not a puddle it's a muddle.

He landed his size 12 loafers in a muddle.

It was me that got in a muddle because I meant puddle. 

He shoved tape over her mouth and she could hardly breathe and she screamed.

That takes some doing screaming when you're gagged. Of course, she could scream under the gag.

I've also had people coming out of doors they never went in. My personal favourite was a dead man coming back to life and, no it wasn't my zombie novel Dead Bastards. This was another crime novel:) 

I'd love to hear what mistakes you've spotted in your work. Have you bawled at the muddle with your puddle? 

Please leave a comment so we can chortle away together. 

At £10.52 is this the most expensive bottle of mineral water ever?

Internet Shopping's great, isn't it? The convenience. Being able to browse in your own home, at your own leisure.

It is great, until things go wrong and the retailer you're dealing with are Amazon.

I ordered 24x 50cl of Vittel mineral water from Amazon.co.UK
The price was £10.52.

Today, I received "my order." A box with ONE tiny 50cl bottle. Yep, one, not the 24 I ordered that I was meant to be receiving, but one single, solitary, lonely bottle.

I contacted Amazon on live chat. I expected to get a profuse apology. Instead, I was told "oh, that item is no longer available," although I'd ordered it. There was no offer of a refund.

Then I was told "oh, you only ordered one bottle," probably because the customer service woman was too lazy to check my full order showing a quantity of one in this case meant 24 bottles and not one.

How I felt when Amazon messed up my order

I tried to leave a review. It was polite and factual. Amazon rejected it. Maybe because it pointed out that I'd been charged £10.52 for one tiny bottle of water.

Finally, I did get my refund, but that's not the point. Amazon made the mistake, yet I'm the one who had to waste some of my Saturday trying to fix it (most of that time I spent getting more and more stressed out).

So, that's my story of the most expensive bottle of water on Amazon.

Here's a screen grab of the chat with the ever helpful Amazon

I'd love to hear you're messed around by Amazon stories.
Come on, share your misery.

The new threat in The Walking Dead - two headed walkers.

The new threat in The Walking Dead next season - two headed walkers.

Rick Grimes and Daryl Dixon say, "Bring it on!"

Get Hell to Pay (Crime Files Book 1) by Jenny Thomson FREE for a limited time

Starting on the 29th of June and lasting 5 days, Hell to Pay is FREE to download on Amazon. 

 Cometh the hour

Cometh the woman. 

Cometh the revenge

Glasgow's about to get meaner with Nancy hell-bent on revenge. 

You won't believe what she does.

It’s the first book in a 3 book series called the Crime Files. Books 2 and 3, Throwaways and Don’t Come For Me, are already published.

Click HERE to take you to your country's Amazon. 

Thanks for reading my post! And if you do download the book, I would be really delighted if you'd leave a review even if its to say you thought the book sucked:) 

Psychological thriller Don't Come For Me by Jenny Thomson is out now

You're in the bathroom

You hear a noise

You come out and your boyfriend is gone

There's a pool of blood on the floor and a knife

The police think you've killed him

You need to prove your innocence

But how?

When you're not sure you didn't kill him?

Don't Come For Me by Jenny Thomson is out now on Kindle and paperback. 

You can read more here