Publishing hits rock bottom

As writers we all struggle to get published. We toil all through the night when all sensible people are sleeping.

Our characters tug at our sleeves and lead us on a merry dance when we’re meant to be concentrating on something else: life stuff like paying the bills and taking the rubbish out.

We don’t have leisure time because we’re too busy scribbling away.

We end up with back problems (from sitting hunched over our laptops or notebooks), relationship problems (‘you care more about your writing than you do about me’), drink problems (there’s a reason I’m teetotal) and some of us even end up relying on heavy duty narcotics (I’m not there, yet, but give me time).

Maybe we writers should be sending pictures of our bums to publishers instead of head shots

So nothing sticks in the craw more than reading that the publishing industry, who hand out meagre advances to writers (if they hand out advances at all) can somehow come up with bucket loads of cash to hand to ‘celebrities’ to supposedly write books.

Pippa Middleton is the latest to be given a book deal. According to reports she’s been given a 400k book deal by Michael Joseph, an imprint of Penguin books to tell us how to be the perfect party hostess.  

According to these reports, Pippa who’s never so much as had an article published will write the book herself. It’s up to you whether you believe that or not as most celebs get ghostwriters.  

Ms Middleton is just the latest in a long line of ‘celebrities’ to get huge book deals and she won’t be the last.

Footnote - If you have no idea who Pippa Middleton is, lucky you. She’s the sister of Kate Middleton who married Prince William. She became famous because apparently she has a nice bottom.

Why every writer should have paper plates

NOOOOOOOOOOO



If you're a writer, you better get used to the word rejection because it's a fact more people will say no to you than will say yes. Whether it's magazine editors, publishers or agents, you will get a heck of a lot of people saying no. So, if you're going to be a writer you need some coping strategies.

Today I had a piece of work turned down that I had high hopes for. My characters weren't just characters, they were alive and when I put them in perilous situations I worried about them. Like a reader I was eager to know what happened next. Signs that the work was good. At least that’s what I thought.  

Then I got a 'no' from the first publisher I approached and my head's down and I feel like a complete failure; doubting myself and my writing.

Whenever you get a knock back other writers may tell you to soldier on, get on with the writing. Good advice, but only once you've lost your tight grip on despondency that makes you feel like you’re choking, because you need to get it out of your system. You need a break. You've worked hard. You may not have got the result you wanted, but it's not through lack of effort.

Get on with my writing? I felt like throwing my laptop and notepads out of a window and jumping after them. Instead I went to a place out the way and smashed plate. And that's why I buy paper plates because there aren't many ordinary ones left.

There are other strategies to cope with getting a no that I use -

1. Re-read the rejection. Is there anything good you can take from this no? Was there anything positive said about your work? Was it 'well written?' Did the respondent ask to see more of your work - they wouldn't say that if they didn't mean it and your work was only fit for the trash.

2. Take a step away from your writing for at least 24hours. Read a book by your favourite author, watch mindless telly, play a game - hidden object or shoot up games are best. I play Grand Theft Auto and my goal is to go crazy with the flame thrower.

3. Look at past successes. Leaf through your copies of published work. Think back to the day you got that first yes and how it made you feel.

4. Write a blog post like this one to get your feelings out. Hey, it worked for me.

Where would you keep a human finger?

'Last night, I turned to my boyfriend in bed and calmly asked him 'where would you put a human finger?' Once he had checked none of his were missing, he asked me why I wanted to know.  I told him that my character was going to find one, but I wasn't sure where, so he suggested in a jar of pickles.  So, that's what I've gone for. 

It could have been worse.  The other night I asked him what a kick in the dangle bag felt like.  I can't print his reply!