Wednesday, 27 October 2010

I'm a loser

As writers, we constantly seek validation that our work is any good.  Today I received news that made me think mine is utter, utter tosh.  I had applied for a New Writers Award from the Scottish Books Council.  Had I got it, it would have made me think my work wasn't rubbish.  But, I was turned down.  200 people had applied, they told me.  The standard was so very high.  We cannot give out any individual feedback, they said. 

Rejection has hit me hard.  I won't deny it, as I had sent an extract from Vile City.  Then I decided to remind myself of those who had succeeded.  The list of previous years' winners were listed.  There was a recurring theme throughout them.  Most of them had done a masters degree or even a Phd in creative writing.  I have done neither.  Instead I have written, without any professional qualifications and I have being selling my work for the past 23 years. 

And, that's the good thing about writing.  You don't need a degree to do it.  Most of the top authors have just written and that is what I will continue to do. Right now it feels like someone is giving my innards a kicking and disappointment sickens me to the core.  But, I will not let this finish me off.  I will keep writing away and hopefully one day I might get some validation.

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